“If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?”
― Rumi
As much as I would love to be the solution, really I am just as much the problem. To me it boils down to the fact that I am being honest. Tonight, Shaun comes up to me stating that it is something that annoys him that I am costing money when I rent movies that I keep forgetting to take back. (I know I do this, it's not on purpose but I have the attention span of a gnat and things fall by the way side.) And Things will fall by the way side. We have six/seven month old who is working on making herself mobile but has decided until she does she wants to be held, she wants to be the center of the universe and really it's normal. She's just time consuming, and taking care of her and keeping the house clean is no small task when you're working a 12 hr rotation swing shift job on top of it all. Could I use better time management, sure. But there really just aren't enough hours in the day to ensure that everything that needs to get done will indeed get done.
The actual issue here though is that there is no cherishing for the tasks that are completed. There are no pauses to be glad for what we have (quite miraculously) gotten accomplished. Our daughter has been fed, as have our dogs and we squeezed in time to feed ourselves too. The yard needs to be mowed and the dished need to be done and maybe someday I will finish putting the clothes away (maybe someday there will also be a reasonable amount to be washed).
Shaun says if I ever has an issue that when I mention it he tries to work on it, and I won't argue that he tries, he may give it all he has but I know that I don't see it. Maybe I am not looking in the right places but I also know that to an extent I have accepted all the things about him that I really don't like somedays but overall I love him (Most the time). There maybe some quirks that I could live without (like sulking and pushing the hard stuff to the back burner) but I love his heart and he has one of the kindest spirits I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I love the person I have grown to become with him. I am also quite fond of the family that I have built with him and even though things are not always easy to me that does not mean that they are really bad. But life can make the simplest things seem difficult. But when I say that chances are the quirks about me aren't things that I can change, it does not mean that I don't care that he has a complaint, it means that I am who I am and I have been this person for 21 years. Chances of a change happening now are not high, I am not being negative, I am being honest. I appreciate that honesty but I think I might be the only one. I know this is true despite the fact that I spend some much time trying to converse to him that there are things that I wish he understood that I needed but I know that who I am with is really who I have gotten and really that is okay. There are going to be things that we do not always agree and understand about each other but those are the things that we are going to have to work on over time to get to place where we can both live comfortably.
There are somethings though that are triggers for me, and maybe I can teach him to word things in a way that converses his point without making me too mad to listen. I know there are many things that I need to work on but how can I make myself better if I cannot seem to hear?
